Udaipur, India (April 17-19)
I stopped drinking water about an hour before the bus ride, but after the 2 1/2 litres I drank to keep myself from getting heat stroke, it was inevitable: an hour and a half in, I had to pee.
I asked the guys at the front and they said to wait 20 minutes. I was already very uncomfortable, but I didn't have much choice. 20 minutes later I went back up and they told me 5 more minutes; I was getting desperate. I motioned to emphasize that waiting 5 minutes was not an option. They pulled over the bus.
Along the way, there had been plenty of decent looking pee bushes that I had been eyeing, but the place they chose to stop had only one tiny and pathetic looking tree. It was about as much cover as you would get from peeing behind a telephone pole. They pulled the bus forward so I don't think anyone on board could see me unless they really tried, but it was broad daylight so the people driving by in their cars definitely could.
I ran towards my sad little tree, terrified that the bus would drive off with my stuff and leave me stranded there. As I jumped over a fallen branch, I landed directly on one of those massive thorns that are big enough to go right through your shoe and impale your foot. Being stabbed by wood is quite painful, but I knew I didn't have time for pain. I was halfway through peeing when the horn started blaring. I pulled up my pants and ran back.
Stop number 2 wasn't much better. As soon as I felt the bus stop, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the front. I asked how long they were stopping for and they just motioned for me to go. There was zero cover but it was getting dark, so I just ran to a dark corner. Halfway through peeing, the horn started again.
I'm not asking for toilet paper or a western toilet or a sink or a hole in the ground or even walls, but seriously, enough time to actually empty my bladder I don't think is a crazy request.
I managed to make it to Udaipur without peeing my pants or getting left behind a tree somewhere. It was early when we arrived and I was exhausted from not sleeping. I knew 100 rupees was overpriced for the tuk tuk, but I had no energy left to haggle so I took it. He started going on and on about his friend's hotel and I did what I always do when this situation comes up: I looked at him with a look that comes very easily at 6 am when you haven't slept all night and said calmly, "If you take me anywhere other than Lal Ghat, I will get out of this tuk tuk and leave and you will get no money. Do you understand me?" Money talks. That quieted him for a while.
There are times when I look at my behaviour and wonder if it is entirely necessary to be so nasty. I have developed a sort of split personality and I can bust out the nasty bitch at the drop of a hat when I feel it is needed. I have complete faith in my ability to scare the shit out of the majority of African and Indian men. But there are times when it is hard to tell the difference between someone who is trying to mess with you and someone being genuine. Sometimes it is easier to just assume everyone is lying to you, but there is always the risk of being mean to a genuinely nice person. However, every so often I am reminded of why I act the way that I do.
We arrived at Lal Ghat and it was closed and gated up. He began banging on the door and trying to wake the owner up, in between attempts at convincing me to stay at his friend's guest house and convincing me to pay him an extra 50 rupees for the ride. At one point his friend actually showed up and started telling me about the place. But exhaustion actually brings out my natural stubborness. Two people I really trusted had recommended this place to me and I didn't care if I had to sit on the curb for an hour, I was staying there. Finally, my tuk tuk driver successfully woke the guy up and he brought me in to show me a room. The rooms were 300 rupees and really not very nice; I couldn't understand why Carolyn and Henry had recommended it. I asked him if there was another Lal Ghat and his first response sounded like yes, but when I asked him to repeat it, he said he didn't know. I walked downstairs in confusion to ask my driver and he was waiting at the door expectantly.
With barely an acknowledgement of my question, he set off down the road and we reached the real Lal Ghat in 2 minutes. Obviously he was hoping that by waiting at the closed one, I would chose his friend's place. Lying sack of shit.
I settled in for a few hours of sleep and when I woke up, Charlie took me to an awesome breakfast place he had scoped out. We spent the day shopping and hiding out on patios to get away from the intense heat.
At night, we sat by the water and watched the storm smash the waves of the Ganga against the shore and the lightning illuminate the distant mountains. From our little stone balcony, I felt like a ship captain navigating through a hurricane, except it was somehow really peaceful, nestled in that little nook, safe from the chaos outside.
The next day we headed down to the dock for a boat ride down the Ganga. This guy named Rj kept giving us free tuk tuk rides and playing Akon the whole way. Loved him. On the boat, we saw all of the floating temples, most of which just look completely abandoned. We also saw the hotel from Octopussy, which looks amazing. They are really banking on the whole Octopussy thing in Udaipur. They had the boat from it anchored outside, and every night at 7 they play Octopussy all over the city.
After the boat ride, RJ drove us down the street to the cable car that takes you to the view at the top of the mountain. The view was beautiful and you could see all of Udaipur, nestled amoung the mountains. It wasn't raining, but there were random lightning strikes in the sky, which was really cool to watch.
We had a few hours to kill until the 7pm showing of Octopussy (I had never seen it so I figured it was a good place to do so), so we went to go get some henna done. I was determined to get some real henna that didn't resemble an awkward alien baby. We found this woman who did amazing henna, then her 13-year-old daughter showed up and finished Charlie's hand while she did mine. The daughter's henna was almost better. She was such a talented little girl.
After the henna was done, she invited us to have some chai with her. We still had 30 minutes and the Octopussy place wasn't far, so I figured we had time for a 10 minute chai break... I had no idea the insanity that was really to come. While they made the chai, they brought me in the back because they said they wanted to take pictures of the henna for her wall. She said she wanted to dress me up and I figured, one sari, no problem. First came the skirt, then a scarf, a top, head beads, necklaces, earrings, lipstick, a bindi...and before I knew it, Charlie and I had been pulled into some elaborate photo shoot complete with mirrors and other props. It seemed slightly twisted how much excitement they got from it, but it was fun despite being slightly awkward at times. For the grand finale, she took over the camera and pulled Charlie in for what ended up looking like marriage photos. We ended up being late, but still managed to see the rooftop screening of Octopussy.
I woke up early the next morning to go to a cooking class with our henna girl and she taught me how to make thali, chai tea, chapattis, and parathas. Her family was so sweet and they even invited me to stay at their house, but I told them I had already booked my bus ticket for that evening.
By the time I got back to Lal Ghat, there was only an hour left before Charlie and I had to meet RJ and go to the bus station. We went early to make sure we didn't miss it because Charlie had a plane to catch in Mumbai, but of course the bus was an hour late. We played around with the street kids there and poured coke into their mouths, which they thought was the best game ever. Just as it started pouring rain, the bus arrived and they lead us on a 5 minute walk through the muddy alleyways in the torrential downpour to get to the bus. By the time we got on the bus, we were completely soaked. The usual bumpy ride of insanity ensued, but I popped an adavan and managed to get a few hours of sleep.
Indian Chai Tea
1. Boil 5 cups of milk
2. Add 5 tsp. sugar, 1 1/2 tsp. black tea, 10 balls of black pepper, 2 balls cardamom, 1 clove cinnamon, pinch ginger
3. Boil 3-4 minutes, strain and cool. Makes 5 cups.
I stopped drinking water about an hour before the bus ride, but after the 2 1/2 litres I drank to keep myself from getting heat stroke, it was inevitable: an hour and a half in, I had to pee.
I asked the guys at the front and they said to wait 20 minutes. I was already very uncomfortable, but I didn't have much choice. 20 minutes later I went back up and they told me 5 more minutes; I was getting desperate. I motioned to emphasize that waiting 5 minutes was not an option. They pulled over the bus.
Along the way, there had been plenty of decent looking pee bushes that I had been eyeing, but the place they chose to stop had only one tiny and pathetic looking tree. It was about as much cover as you would get from peeing behind a telephone pole. They pulled the bus forward so I don't think anyone on board could see me unless they really tried, but it was broad daylight so the people driving by in their cars definitely could.
I ran towards my sad little tree, terrified that the bus would drive off with my stuff and leave me stranded there. As I jumped over a fallen branch, I landed directly on one of those massive thorns that are big enough to go right through your shoe and impale your foot. Being stabbed by wood is quite painful, but I knew I didn't have time for pain. I was halfway through peeing when the horn started blaring. I pulled up my pants and ran back.
Stop number 2 wasn't much better. As soon as I felt the bus stop, I jumped out of my seat and ran to the front. I asked how long they were stopping for and they just motioned for me to go. There was zero cover but it was getting dark, so I just ran to a dark corner. Halfway through peeing, the horn started again.
I'm not asking for toilet paper or a western toilet or a sink or a hole in the ground or even walls, but seriously, enough time to actually empty my bladder I don't think is a crazy request.
I managed to make it to Udaipur without peeing my pants or getting left behind a tree somewhere. It was early when we arrived and I was exhausted from not sleeping. I knew 100 rupees was overpriced for the tuk tuk, but I had no energy left to haggle so I took it. He started going on and on about his friend's hotel and I did what I always do when this situation comes up: I looked at him with a look that comes very easily at 6 am when you haven't slept all night and said calmly, "If you take me anywhere other than Lal Ghat, I will get out of this tuk tuk and leave and you will get no money. Do you understand me?" Money talks. That quieted him for a while.
There are times when I look at my behaviour and wonder if it is entirely necessary to be so nasty. I have developed a sort of split personality and I can bust out the nasty bitch at the drop of a hat when I feel it is needed. I have complete faith in my ability to scare the shit out of the majority of African and Indian men. But there are times when it is hard to tell the difference between someone who is trying to mess with you and someone being genuine. Sometimes it is easier to just assume everyone is lying to you, but there is always the risk of being mean to a genuinely nice person. However, every so often I am reminded of why I act the way that I do.
We arrived at Lal Ghat and it was closed and gated up. He began banging on the door and trying to wake the owner up, in between attempts at convincing me to stay at his friend's guest house and convincing me to pay him an extra 50 rupees for the ride. At one point his friend actually showed up and started telling me about the place. But exhaustion actually brings out my natural stubborness. Two people I really trusted had recommended this place to me and I didn't care if I had to sit on the curb for an hour, I was staying there. Finally, my tuk tuk driver successfully woke the guy up and he brought me in to show me a room. The rooms were 300 rupees and really not very nice; I couldn't understand why Carolyn and Henry had recommended it. I asked him if there was another Lal Ghat and his first response sounded like yes, but when I asked him to repeat it, he said he didn't know. I walked downstairs in confusion to ask my driver and he was waiting at the door expectantly.
With barely an acknowledgement of my question, he set off down the road and we reached the real Lal Ghat in 2 minutes. Obviously he was hoping that by waiting at the closed one, I would chose his friend's place. Lying sack of shit.
I settled in for a few hours of sleep and when I woke up, Charlie took me to an awesome breakfast place he had scoped out. We spent the day shopping and hiding out on patios to get away from the intense heat.
At night, we sat by the water and watched the storm smash the waves of the Ganga against the shore and the lightning illuminate the distant mountains. From our little stone balcony, I felt like a ship captain navigating through a hurricane, except it was somehow really peaceful, nestled in that little nook, safe from the chaos outside.
The next day we headed down to the dock for a boat ride down the Ganga. This guy named Rj kept giving us free tuk tuk rides and playing Akon the whole way. Loved him. On the boat, we saw all of the floating temples, most of which just look completely abandoned. We also saw the hotel from Octopussy, which looks amazing. They are really banking on the whole Octopussy thing in Udaipur. They had the boat from it anchored outside, and every night at 7 they play Octopussy all over the city.
We had a few hours to kill until the 7pm showing of Octopussy (I had never seen it so I figured it was a good place to do so), so we went to go get some henna done. I was determined to get some real henna that didn't resemble an awkward alien baby. We found this woman who did amazing henna, then her 13-year-old daughter showed up and finished Charlie's hand while she did mine. The daughter's henna was almost better. She was such a talented little girl.
After the henna was done, she invited us to have some chai with her. We still had 30 minutes and the Octopussy place wasn't far, so I figured we had time for a 10 minute chai break... I had no idea the insanity that was really to come. While they made the chai, they brought me in the back because they said they wanted to take pictures of the henna for her wall. She said she wanted to dress me up and I figured, one sari, no problem. First came the skirt, then a scarf, a top, head beads, necklaces, earrings, lipstick, a bindi...and before I knew it, Charlie and I had been pulled into some elaborate photo shoot complete with mirrors and other props. It seemed slightly twisted how much excitement they got from it, but it was fun despite being slightly awkward at times. For the grand finale, she took over the camera and pulled Charlie in for what ended up looking like marriage photos. We ended up being late, but still managed to see the rooftop screening of Octopussy.
By the time I got back to Lal Ghat, there was only an hour left before Charlie and I had to meet RJ and go to the bus station. We went early to make sure we didn't miss it because Charlie had a plane to catch in Mumbai, but of course the bus was an hour late. We played around with the street kids there and poured coke into their mouths, which they thought was the best game ever. Just as it started pouring rain, the bus arrived and they lead us on a 5 minute walk through the muddy alleyways in the torrential downpour to get to the bus. By the time we got on the bus, we were completely soaked. The usual bumpy ride of insanity ensued, but I popped an adavan and managed to get a few hours of sleep.
Indian Chai Tea
1. Boil 5 cups of milk
2. Add 5 tsp. sugar, 1 1/2 tsp. black tea, 10 balls of black pepper, 2 balls cardamom, 1 clove cinnamon, pinch ginger
3. Boil 3-4 minutes, strain and cool. Makes 5 cups.
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